electric blood.

now or never.

universal connection,
in the shape of an engraved circle.
swallow it whole;
effects multiply.
spill my guts.
escaping this reality.
give in to the euphoria
calling from beyond the grave,
before it's far too late.

scratching noises from inside the walls.
it's deep, not meaningful.
i know it's in my veins.
definitely, absolutely.
positive.

one more.

a light endlessly blinking.
rocket to the stars.
separation of madness,
it can't be this easy to feel bliss.
gone are the pack of wolves
that hovered over me subconsciously,
day in, day out.
my mind acts as a filter,
a storm drain,
to ward off any intruders.
i don't want to be disturbed
as i come down.
i could drown.

i'm in full bloom.
once more.
this rapture.
i know it's in my blood.

runaway.

if i,

moved on and out of your world

will the earth shatter into a million pieces

and the skies to nothingness?
so be it.

forgiving your mistakes

is the last of my patience.

i can't go through this torment.

not with you, not in this moment.

whatever will be.

it's your turn to go down in flames.

your mind is so polluted with tainted dreams

that i can no longer be a part of.

i've had enough.

the sun still shines,

the wind still blows

and my emotions are still intact.

there was a day

where i longed for your body but,

it's fucking useless

when i have no use to linger in your presence.

you're just a unfamiliar shadow in the distance.

in ruins.

farewell to you.

to this.

i don't regret any of it.

smashing your heart

made me discover,

that i can live and breathe

from a lone perspective.

i can howl at the moon,

alone.

liar, you lied.

promised me the world

and i did the same.

but, you fucked up.

i won't bother feeling sorrow this time

when your demise comes around.

you're a complete mess.

no surprise.

what a shock.

your habit went out of control.

on the path of destroying your soul

heading in the opposite direction

i'm heading in.

how could i ever have thought perfection?

we were far from it.

i look to the sun

and continue...

heart of hearts.

when it all comes crashing down,
as the smoke clears
it's got me asking questions
and raising red flags
in wondering if you'll forever be around.
blow by emotional blow
i will be tempted to run and hide out this thunder
when it all comes crashing down.
a life without you
would mean a life without.

[ M U S I C #6 ]

bullet holes.

you put me through,

the longest period of hell i've ever experienced.

it pains me,

that you've tried to magically re-appear in my life

all to no avail

'cuz i don't want you.

i want you.

i want you gone and dead.

it's too late now,

for guilt trips and apologies.

i would rather drown

then see your face in the crowd.

those words you said to me;

the passion behind it were all lies.

how could i fall for...

i really shouldn't wear my heart on my sleeve.

it's time i strengthen my armor.

i've barely eaten since.

my insomnia's gotten worse.

it's not enough for my taste,

when you suffer and struggle at night

'cuz you know i do.

you're a crisis i just can't kill away.

permanent ghost.

once i start.

i can't seem to stop.

my body aches from the lack of rest.

it's on purpose, i create this suffering inside

each waking moment, i die in small amounts.

walking right through

then evaporating.

on the edge and i'm gone.

i want you to leave.

(please stay for a while.)

i need you with me.

(please drop out from my life.)

i see it in the stars.

showing hidden embedded scars.

they signal me a warning

but i ignore it, i don't listen.

it's a habit too fucked to quit.

once i start.

i never stop.

[ M U S I C #5 ]

low places.

a light shoots down from the middle;
parts my darkness into view.
i look up at the sky.
trees shimmer like a bed of glass.
the grounds starts to tremble
and i begin to crumble as the stitches holding me together rip apart.
falling...
falling further...

what's the point.
i don't need any of this.
i'm good here, wallowing in brilliance [slash] self-pity.
where is the truth.
why do i pretend.
i'm content here, drowning within.
when will i give a damn.
how am i even living.
don't spare me.
i can feel it in the air and in my bones.

it's a torpedo to the soul.

it's a tidal wave on repeat.
resistance is futile.

it's time i let it all go;

i think it's time.

nothing, and only nothing.

i used to...
these hands, these hands once held you when the tears fell.
these fingers once traced random patterns on your chest.
these lips, these lips once kissed you until you bled.
these two hearts once felt universally connected.
these memories; we were one.
now? not so much.

[ M U S I C #4 ]

kill-joy.

spitting out vicious, cruel words

trying to enforce guilty thoughts inside my head

like a bullet through the heart, a mile a minute.

it's as if you don't give a shit

you don't really give a fuck

about anyone else,

only but yourself.

selfish and ugly,

you should try holding a mirror up infront of your face.

mhmm, this is how i feel;

a monster staring back at me every day.

and here comes the walking tragedy,

put your shields on.

don't make eye contact.

oh, no.

here comes the rain

to wash all traces of your happiness away.

away, forever.

don't ever tell me again,

"are you ok?"
just because, you miss the way i was

before i became frozen and mute .

i can see right past your façade.

insecurities coming into full bloom.

i'm so sick of having to deal, with people.

i just want you to know.

this wasn't a ploy, this wasn't my choice.

i'm not going to apologize.

you're undeserving of my time.

giving up and down.

i don't know what it is

or why it is,

about how the rain never fails

to bring up unecessary shit to the surface.

it's been pretty fucking difficult,

trying not to punch holes in the ground.

while at the same time,

not letting myself succumb to,

the temptation of breaking down.

you could say it's mostly bittersweet thoughts

caused by the very image of you.

but i would just be digging the hole deeper

if i didn't say that,

you're only a small part of the actual pain.

through and through,

there's no easy way out.

there's no escaping you.

[ M U S I C #3 ]

unspoken.

goodnight now, world.

i am a witness to your down fall.

at that moment,

i was dragged down with you

left to fade in & out of conciousness

among the abandoned.

stand back against the wall,

and witness the down fall of every thing in sight.

this is how it's supposed to be.

colors bleeding through the skin.

i am a witness to your rising phoenix.

makeshift wings.

this madness.
right out of the blue.
it appears
and lingers,
darting around like bolts of lightning
blinding my eyes.
i just want to bury it underground
away from the world.
away from me, myself, and i.

[ M U S I C #2 ]

decay of the mind.

here i wait
(im)patiently for something,
any thing,
anything's better than this silent noise.
falling into the abyss
i can hardly sleep anymore
thoughts racing back and forth,
it goes on & on
to the point where i lose my self.

and it's days like these
when the world seems so monstrous,
ready to eat me.

sometimes,
it's a decay of the mind;
complete destruction.
other times,
it's a war of nerves
ending with emotions gone overboard.

and it's nights like these
when everything seems so murderous,
ready to kill me.

sometimes,
it's pollution of the mind;
complete destruction.
other times,
it's really nothing at all.

porcelain dolls.

you have freedom,
to the extent
of a burning island.
seasons pass
and world's end,
while you are floating
on a vicodin cloud.
a little sign of skin,
it's all the proof you need
for the population might soon notice,
a part of you is missing.
and so,
you cover your little demons up,
it's become something of a routine.
on a daily basis,
fear of judgments being made.

run like hell.

you can never forget,
the void
and the beast
that torments you in your dreams.

[ M U S I C #1 ]

stranded on the moon.

it was that one night,
when we both couldn't sleep
and decided to grab a blanket,
took it out to your backyard
and laid together underneath the stars.
we were cold
and freezing our asses off,
but we didn't give a shit
as we started becoming numb.
you pointed at the moon,
i was lost in you, i just couldn't help it,
the dark consumed me.
3 words, 8 letters.

it was that one night,
when we both got shit-faced
stumbling around on your bedroom floor,
laughing at non-existent ghosts
and eating nacho's at 3am,
which made me puke a few hours later.

it was that one night,
holding hands
as cars and strangers passed by,
we walked to the park
right back to the place,
the playground,
where we first died
in embarrassment
and the world froze over.

it was that one night,
those many nights
when silence became deadly.

we were drifting towards nowhere.

i miss you,
but it's not enough for me
to want to kiss you again.

out, with a bang!

pool of tears.
heading upstream.
running downstream.
going somewhere.
anywhere, from here.

subconsciously playing a part of,
frequent disasters in the making.
can you feel it in your bones?
for better or for tragedy,
others are off worse than us.
time is quick and we move slowly.
like grains of sand,
we are living in a see-through hourglass
for the entire universe.

clouded vision.
it's time for rain.
the sun is gone.
dead in the gutter;
a vicious cycle that never fails to repeat.